Tuesday, April 22, 2008

walking away from it all

From: Michelle (

I read your process porn article yesterday on Aqueduct press blog. EISH! I went home from work in a foul mood, as it made me think and question many different aspects of my life as it stands right now. Why I am attempting to write a novel and is writing my passion. Unfortunately no lightning bolt struck me on the forehead or no obvious sign floated in my path. But it was so clear when I woke that I'm forging forth with my novel. Maybe it never gets published and that's okay. Also I've never been able to throw any words that I've written away. It's like they would never come back or get lost in the space. I took a risk and threw my first Chapter out and then re-wrote it. Eish! The new result is streaks ahead.

Thank you for sharing yourself and processes with us.

I've finished reading Always. Eish- it was a great experience to grow with Aud over the three novels.

Oh, I remember writing that article last year. It put me in a foul mood too--for a while. It was what prompted me to turn my attention to the novel I'm working on now; it motivated me to walk away from my career.

I am not made to work, year after year, in one genre or with one character. Ten years with Aud was enough. Writing that piece showed me clearly that I needed to move to the next new thing, to flex, to risk. So I parted ways amicably with my agent of fifteen years; I told my editor that I wouldn't be working on the fourth Aud I was contracted for; I set myself the most frightening challenge I could imagine. No, scratch that. I set myself the most exhilarating challenge I could imagine. And in autumn last year, the day before my birthday, I sat down with no clue how the book would unfurl, just the determination I would be working on it by the time I was forty-seven goddammit, and just...began, just jumped off the cliff. I am now falling a thousand feet per second and accelerating. The air is rarified up here and the view incredible. I'm learning how to fold my arms and legs to fall even faster, how to breathe in the rush. I don't know where or when or how I'll land, but I'll know I'll figure it out before I get there. I have to.

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