Wednesday, April 2, 2008


From: anonymous

"Getting married makes all the difference in the world."

I should have clarified: I did not mean, as a general statement, that it does not make a difference. And I certainly agree that it is everyone's right. What I meant was, it would not make the type of legal differences you are talking about in the States, because in Canada, we have the same rights as common-law partners (a status the government gives us, whether we asked for it or not!)

Human nature being the way it is, a lot of gay folks in
Canada don't seem to want marriage for themselves, now that it's here. I seem to be living with one of them.

Well, I'm sorry to hear that--if, that is, you and your partner feel differently on the issue. If you don't then, hey, whatever works for you. But that kind of deep difference--marriage or not, kids or not, work ethic or not, be monogamous or not, share money or not, honesty or not--is tricky. I'm not sure I could make it work in my own relationship.

Kelley and I have lived together a long time; we share just about everything. As far as I'm aware, there isn't a single taboo conversational topic between us. And yet we still occasionally in conversation fall into some pothole of difference that neither of us saw coming.

We were born nine days apart--but also about five thousand miles. Our cultures were about as different as two English-speaking white girls of the same age can get. Books gave us common ground, a kind of shared experience, without which I don't think we would have made it. Actually, without which we probably wouldn't have come together in the first place. But Kelley and I have written about this at length elsewhere, so I won't belabour the point here. Good luck to you in whichever path you choose.

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