This is for all the young people, especially the young dykes and gay boys, the bi-girls and trans kids, who find it hard to see the bright side of things when they are being relentlessly harassed at school. Here are two adults telling you seriously: it gets better. You just have to survive the crap and you'll get there. If you don't believe that for yourself, trust your elders, because we know. Life is good, eventually. Your job is to get there. Don't give in. Don't give up.
(Thanks, Dianne.)
I was lucky--I was never bullied. But I still felt the awful disparity between what I knew I wanted from life and what the world was willing to allow, between who I was and who I was expected to be. I was at a Catholic convent school and I liked girls. A lot. I dealt with this by doing my best to ignore it until I was sixteen--and beyond the reach of prosecution--and by drinking. A lot. But then I turned sixteen and, woo hoo!
I talk about it here:
Yep, this particular episode ended badly--because all first love affairs do. It's not a queer thing, it's a human thing. And though it feels like the end of the world, it's just the end of a love affair. I found another (and another, and...) And now I've been with Kelley 22 years.
Life is good. It really is. And it keeps getting better.
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Really excellent response to this, Nicola. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure.
ReplyDeleteThank God we are living in a society where alternative lifestyles are gaining acceptance.
ReplyDeleteBut let's take it one step further. There is nothing "alternative" about loving someone no matter what race or gender! Everybody should have the right to love and be loved. Whether you love a man or a woman, it is a God-given right. Here me bigots? Loving is a GOD-GIVEN right. It doesn't matter who you love as long as they love you in return.
bravo to you and the youtube couple. my first love didn't make it out of high school. it's been so many years that i hadn't thought of her today until i saw the post. what a loss....so, i echo, survive; it matters. you matter. it does get better.
ReplyDeleteamanda
Thannk you for this awesome post. Pueblo is starting an LGBTQI youth outreach program and I'm hoping to be well enough to get involved.
ReplyDeleteMy first love, Chris, did make it out of high school -- but when she came out ('87) and teachers wouldn't allow her back in their classrooms and our born-again Christian principal let them, she lost her chance for any scholarships and thus any chance for going to college. She never got over it or her family's lack of acceptance. After a long spiral down, she committed suicide in 2006. I so wish we'd had some kind of support system back in high school.
Amanda, Jo, ah, I'm so sorry. The world treats its young so cruelly, sometimes. My little sister made it to 24. Our job is to still be here, to squeeze every drop of joy from life, for ourselves and all those who didn't make it.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very sorry about Helena.
ReplyDeleteyeah, jo and nicola, god, i'm sorry. it just is not okay. it never will be.
ReplyDeletestill, thanks for the words, "our job is to still be here, to squeeze every drop of joy..."
amanda
After you finish Hild, you should write comedy. :D
ReplyDeleteThanks for posting this, Nicola. I'm currently working with students and school administration to start some kind of support group for our kids. We're finally in a place where admin is receptive to hearing the kids' plight.
ReplyDeleteDisgustingly, previous administrations have told me that they haven't sensed a "need" for such a group because students haven't come to them asking for one. Of .course. they're not going to approach them!
I hate cop-outs.
But thanks for this again. I'm passing it along.
Jo, Amanda, thank you. It happened a long, long time ago, but I still miss her fiercely.
ReplyDeleteDianne, well, my memoir is full of bits that are meant to be funny. I think it surprises people.
Janine, if/when you need help, drop a comment here. I'm sure there are people willing to rally round.
Nicola, thanks -- sometimes time passage seems to help, some nights it doesn't.
ReplyDeleteRe: your humor, I greatly enjoy it, please keep it coming :).
Amanda, thanks, it helps, and I'm sorry for your loss.
Thank you, Nicola...I'll do that!
ReplyDelete