Another triumph for science. This news just in: studies show that early risers crash faster than people who stay up late. No shit.
We already knew that buttered toast really does mostly fall messy-side down, and having MS impacts your job prospects as well as your health. But I have other urgent questions that need answers. We need funding for a study that proves I get cold when the temperature goes down. Or that people get fat when they overeat. (Oh, wait, there are thousands of teams already working on that one--working to find complicated ways around it by making the food not really food, or manufacturing drugs that tinker with metabolism.)